I'm thinking about you a lot today. I've been thinking about you a lot lately. When the moms at mom's morning asked if Lars was my first. When my friend lost her sweet Jonah. When my other friend heard her HCG levels weren't going up anymore. When our family labels grandchildren by birth order. I think of you. I think about you when a song comes on. I think of you when I watch Lars playing alone in the living room. I think of you when I see Lars's personality. And, sometimes I just feel your presence, looking over my shoulder and I think about you all day those days.
Sometimes I cry still. I cry because I miss you. I cry because I long to know who you are. I cry because the intensity of sorrow is so imprinted on my heart when it comes to you both. I cry because I know that you're in another realm, and you're safe. I cry because I know God called you home before you were even born. I cry because I feel you know more than me when it comes to God's goodness and God's plan. I cry because, as your mother, I was supposed to teach you those things, but instead God gave you eternity and uses you to teach me. I cry because I feel humbled by your wings. I cry because you're my gifts, even though it's not in the way I had envisioned.
I cry because I love you. And I cry because I wish others knew you the way that I do.
What a lucky mama I am to have such angels influencing my days.